: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
