Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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