i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
