The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
