they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
