apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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