You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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