I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
