everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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