PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
