I just pynch a tree in the face
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
