Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
