You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
