At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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