Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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