Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
