I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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