Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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