im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
