i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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