oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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