Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
