I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
