The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
