i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
