Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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