My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
