We're like a lot better than the average bears
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
