He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
