The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
