My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
