and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
