what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
