Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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