We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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