and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
