so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
