Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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