I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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