dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
