bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
