Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
