it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want a musical about memes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
