I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
