I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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