we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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