I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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