do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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