I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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