I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
two words...techno handjob
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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